The sudden death of your mother changes you in ways that are unimaginable. There’s no instruction guide on how to overcome the grief of losing the person that brought you into this world, especially if you were in close relation with them.
What’s next? What comes after?
Is it whaling on your beloved orange couch after getting the call? Screaming in the middle of your beautiful downtown loft she traveled across the country to, only a few months before?
Is it falling to your knees seeing your sister as soon as you pull up to your childhood home, exhausted after your red eye flight across the country?
Is it your husband supporting your family and father in an unimaginable way? On hold for hours figuring out plans, sitting at the same table she did just not too long ago?
Is it a standing room only homegoing service with too many people and flower arrangements to count? So much sadness, yet grateful for the world showing up for your mom?
Is it being tasked with helping to plan the funeral
then, less than a week later,
cleaning and donating all her things, 50 boxes and 96 bags of memories, in order to help your other parent grieve properly? Is it a local shelter benefitting from this painful gift?
Does a beautiful memory come from the way your friends, family, and strangers stepped up?
Is it returning back home and immediately having insomnia, never having it before? Then taking 6 months off work to deal with that, depression, and anxiety?
Is it eating your feelings and lack of exercise, gaining weight until you feel uncomfortable. Yet you also still slay?
Is it a random spring of tears that flow in the middle of an elevator on your way up to Trader Joes? And the silence of the stranger riding with you that makes the stream last longer? So you apologize for crying, and sadly they share they’re in the middle of a divorce. And now you’re both connecting over sadness?
Is it a gut wrenching emotional punch of anxiety that consumes your being each time you’re reminded of your loss?
BUT WAIT
BUT WAIT
Does that gut punch get just a little softer?
Is it going through intense grief therapy, becoming more vulnerable, and stepping into the woman she’d want you to be?
Is it posting more about your loss and building a community that resonates with what you have to say? Is it other people telling you to keep sharing your story because it’s helping them?
Is it buying the almost perfect home with a rooftop deck, a 5 minute walk away from the lake with mountain views? Something she loved? Knowing that she was with you every step of the way?
Is it hosting a grief event for other grievers to come together and support each other? Your first official speaking engagement on your journey with grief?
Is it healing through starting a beautiful blog? YES, YES IT IS.
For me, all of this was my after, and only a glimpse. Here’s to many more afters, and using moment by moment to try to understand it all, tears and all.
Welcome to my world. Leave a comment and let me know if this resonated with you.
I can relate to so much of this. It will be four years in July and it doesn’t seem to be getting easier for me.
We have to take it one day at a time, moment by moment. Someone told me the pain doesn’t go away, but eventually we learn to live with it in a more positive way. We’ll have bad days, weeks, and years, but there is beauty in our pain.
Thank you for sharing. You sharing your journey has helped me in more ways than one. Keep inspiring as you already know you are definitely walking in hour purpose. 🙂
Thank you! It’s messages like this that remind me to stop procrasting and get serious about sharing. Ty Alex. Love and appreciate you!
All of this!
Right?! Hurting and healing at the same time.
Your willingness to be vulnerable and share is everything. Keep going, sis. Such a meaningful post that, no doubt, is blessing others on the grief journey.
Thank you Karin. Sometimes it can feel scary, but I know it’s what I should be doing. Making the commitment. Your kind words mean alot to me.
Tanise, I love love the blog! Your words and experience is helping more people than you will ever know. It’s time to publish a book my dear friend! Continue all that you do and as always love and miss you dearly Sis❤️
Monique! You will always have a special place in my heart. Thank you for your post. Every comment like this keeps me moving and grooving! I promise to share more!